


Reflection

by deedeeinfj



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-09
Updated: 2013-02-09
Packaged: 2017-11-28 17:48:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/677145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deedeeinfj/pseuds/deedeeinfj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry uses the mirror to contact Remus; AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflection

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published on Livejournal, 2003.

Harry flopped facedown onto his bed and sprawled over the disarrayed bedclothes, his head and arms hanging off one end. He could hear Dudley and Uncle Vernon arguing downstairs, and he stared at the carpet, trying to block them out. But as often happened when his mind wandered, it settled on Sirius, on the lightly fluttering veil. It was the only thing he could think about, and he had no one to talk to. A horrible kind of loneliness, even after only two weeks at the Dursleys, and even with the others writing to him constantly with news. He shifted and opened the drawer by his bed, withdrawing the broken mirror. His distorted reflection stared up at him from the three jagged pieces of glass.

"Sirius?" he said softly. By now he knew that it was useless; he had tried it so many times already. He set down the mirror with a resigned sigh and rested his head in his arms. Sirius had probably left his own mirror somewhere in 12 Grimmauld Place, and doubtless someone had picked it up. Then a thought struck him, and he raised his head.

He held up the mirror again, studied it for a moment, then said, "P-Professor Lupin?" It seemed that the mirror flashed for a moment, but he guessed it must have been his imagination. There was no response. He saw nothing but his own face. "Professor Lupin?" he said again. It couldn't hurt, and he was desperate for someone to talk to.

And then the mirror flashed and his face faded away to reveal Lupin's. Lupin looked surprised, but his voice was as warm as always. "Harry?"

"Hi, Professor. Is this okay?"

"Yes." Lupin smiled. "Of course it is, Harry. I thought I heard something, and I couldn't imagine... How did you get the other mirror?"

He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Sirius. Sirius gave it to me a few months ago."

A shadow passed over Lupin's face, and his smile faded slightly. "Oh. Is yours broken? Your face looks distorted on mine."

"I broke it, yeah," Harry confessed.

He waited for Lupin to ask how or why, but this information didn't seem to trouble him. "Well, it's good to see you. Arabella reported on you yesterday and said you were doing well."

"Yeah."

"Was there something you needed?"

"Not really," Harry replied, feeling suddenly stupid. Lupin probably had work to do, and here Harry was, wasting his time. "I'm sorry, I just--"

"Just wanted to talk?" Lupin finished kindly.

Harry propped the mirror on a pillow and rested his chin in his arms. "Yeah. But if you're busy, it's okay."

"I wasn't busy with anything that can't wait," said Lupin, smiling again. "What's on your mind?"

"Well... actually..." He realized that Sirius was probably not the best topic to bring up to Lupin. "Er... nothing in particular."

Lupin was silent for some time, as if waiting for Harry to continue, but Harry could think of nothing else to say. Finally, Lupin said quietly, "Harry, do you want to talk about Sirius?"

"No," answered Harry immediately. "I mean... yeah. I know you probably don't want to, so never mind."

"On the contrary, I'd like to. Ask me whatever you want."

Harry paused for thought. There was a question, but he was almost afraid to ask it. He hadn't even asked Dumbledore. It was something he had tried to tell himself over and over, but his mind refused to accept it. If someone were to confirm it, it would feel too final. But in a way, he would feel safe asking Lupin. Lupin was the only other person who seemed to have cared about Sirius, and even if Lupin gave the response Harry didn't want to hear, it somehow wouldn't sound as horrible coming from him.

"Professor," he said slowly, "is Sirius gone? Forever?"

Even in the small, cracked, and distorted mirror, Lupin's face looked pale, his eyes sad. "Yes." His voice was barely audible, and he cleared his throat. "Yes, Harry. Sirius is gone forever." Neither one of them spoke for a while, and then Lupin continued in a steady voice like the one he had used in lessons, if a little softer. "Have you studied the Department of Mysteries yet in any of your classes?"

Harry shook his head, then said, "No, sir."

"The archway was built hundreds of years ago by a wizard who lost his wife," said Lupin. "The veil you saw was old and tattered, but it was once a magnificent cloth she had spun. He somehow enchanted it so that he could hear her voice whispering to him from beyond, along with the voices of all the dead. And he became obsessed with it. He ate beside it, slept beside it, never left his house. His servants were too afraid to go near him, and they soon learned not to disturb him. But one night, he called them in and told them that he was going to join his wife. Naturally, they thought him mad. He cast a spell on the archway, then stepped through it. They never saw him again."

By now, Harry's eyes were wide, his mouth gaping slightly. "But how do they know he--"

"How do they know he died?"

"Yeah."

"One of the servants reached through the curtain to try to pull him back, and she died herself."

"They should have destroyed it!" said Harry angrily. "If they knew it was dangerous, why didn't they destroy it?"

Lupin wore an odd smile. "Because you can't destroy death, Harry."

"But--but it wasn't destroying death. It would have been destroying a stupid arch! A stupid curtain!"

"They thought it wiser to study it than to destroy it. And that's how it eventually came to be placed in the Department of Mysteries."

Harry felt anger twisting his insides. "They should keep it locked. Anyone could just go in, not knowing, and be killed. I would have run through it myself to find Sirius, if--" He broke off suddenly. It struck him for the first time that Lupin had saved his life. "If you hadn't held me back," he finished quietly. He tried to imagine himself in that moment, losing Sirius, and having to hold someone back when he himself wanted to run through the veil. He tried to imagine himself at that moment, telling someone that Sirius was gone -- dead -- being forced to say the words, when he himself wanted to believe anything but that. He stared through the broken glass at Lupin. "Why don't they lock it?"

"I don't know," said Lupin in a tired voice. There was a long silence, during which Harry noticed that Uncle Vernon and Dudley had stopped yelling, then Remus' light eyes focused on his intently. "Harry... I know what Sirius meant to you. And I know that no one could ever, ever replace him. Believe me, I know." He paused and cleared his throat again. "But I want you to know that if you ever need anything, if you ever want to talk... about Sirius, about your parents... about anything... I'm here. Okay?"

It was strange for Lupin to talk this way; he had always seemed so distant. Kind and concerned, yes, during all those Patronus lessons. But always distant somehow, the way a teacher would be with a student. Sirius had always been warm and funny, full of fierce concern, protective even when he was reckless. Sirius had been like a friend that Harry got to see briefly on special occasions. What he wanted, now that he had lost Sirius, was someone like a father.

"Professor?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"C-can I... is it okay if I call you Remus? I mean, if it's not, I... It's just that I called Sirius..."

"If you want to." Lupin was smiling, and Harry realized that he was smiling also. "We're about to have a meeting, Harry. But whenever you get bored, or if you need anything, just use the mirror. I'll carry it with me."

"Okay." Harry's smile widened. "Thanks."

"Alastor and I are planning to visit you next week as well, so there's something to look forward to. And I'll be able to fix your mirror while I'm there."

"Yeah, great!" said Harry, feeling a swell of genuine happiness. There was so much he wanted to know now, so much to talk about. Where Lupin had been the night Voldemort killed his parents. How his parents had fallen in love. The prophecy, and the horrible thing he had to do if he wanted to live. "Profes--Remus, do you think... do you think they keep the room unlocked because we shouldn't be afraid of death?"

Lupin smiled. "Maybe. Or maybe so that every person who walks past the arch makes a conscious choice to live."


End file.
